Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
