Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
