She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
