I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
