There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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