i think my tv is drunk
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
