I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
