Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
