toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
