Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
