i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
