We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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