he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
