using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
