she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
