so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
