I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
