one two three fourrrrnication!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
