420 ftw
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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