I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
