Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
