Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
