i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
