I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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