this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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