He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
