Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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