dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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