so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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