found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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