Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
