when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
