last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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