Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
