Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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