Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
