when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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