I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
