I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I had to cum in my sink.
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