take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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