I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
