just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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