I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
