Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
