lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
