...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
