the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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