Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
