i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
