if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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