Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
even my farts smell like vagina
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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