I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
